


Smol Snek in a Big World

by Periphyton



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Cute is a four letter word, Domestic Fluff, Good communication makes a good marriage, Housewarming Party, M/M, Smol Sneks are very cute, Social Anxiety, Soil pH is a thing, South Downs Cottage (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-18 21:01:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20319433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Periphyton/pseuds/Periphyton
Summary: After six thousand bloody YEARS of hiding their relationship from both Heaven above and Hell below, having even a small group of humans know they are a couple is a bit overwhelming.





	Smol Snek in a Big World

Aziraphale was not having a panic attack because there were thirteen humans in his new living room. Nope, not at all. He was simply very aware that there were thirteen humans in the living room of the new cottage he and Crowley had moved into. Of course they were all there, they had been invited to the house warming party. Anathema and Newt, the Them, and the seven parental people for the Them. Thirteen human beings, plus a Hellhound turned terrier. Nothing to worry about. 

It was just that all thirteen of them knew he was with Crowley. Every single one of them looked at the angel and the demon as a very cute mismatched couple that were in love. Blindingly obviously in love. Two of the adults and the four children even knew that they weren’t just an older human gay couple. Exactly how much Anathema, Newt, and the Them understood about Crowley and Aziraphale was debatable but Adam had seen them with their wings out. And they all knew. Some of them had even brought them housewarming gifts to welcome them into their new home. Their home – plural. Presents. For them. As. A. Couple. Pepper’s mom had given them matching His and His hand towels with a wink.

After six thousand bloody YEARS of not letting anybody know, thirteen sets of human eyes looking at the two of them together as a couple was not giving Aziraphale a panic attack. He was simply very, very, very aware of it. What had been hidden for so long from both heaven above and hell below was now something these thirteen humans just took in as a matter of course. And Aziraphale was absolutely, decidedly, in no way whatsoever freaking the fuck out about that. 

Crowley, damn that demon (again), was in his element as a social host. He was swapping gardening tips with Brian’s mom, talking about the Bentley with Mr. Young, and pouring drinks like someone who has had a fine appreciation of alcohol for at least 30 centuries. Anathema and Pepper’s mom were comparing notes about something. Wensleydale’s dad was trying to talk to Aziraphale about the unique architectural history of their new home. 

“Yes, yes, that’s very interesting. I will most definitely remember that when it’s time to weatherproof for the winter,” he said. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to check something in the kitchen.” 

Aziraphale almost bolted into the kitchen and stood there, holding onto the edge of the counter in a cold sweat. This was no good. Maybe a minute or two in Crowley’s new garden would help calm his nerves. His demon had been so proud, studying up on all the native plants for the area and laying in plans for a bee garden. Aziraphale only hoped he didn’t sound as boring talking about his favorite books as Crowley was talking about the totally unique texture of the chalk soil in the Downs. Somewhere between ‘proper drainage’ and ‘balance of organic matter versus sand’ and the Angel just tuned it all out while still replying with an occasional ‘yes dear, that’s very interesting.’ He didn’t even know what pH was, or how soil could have a pH. He wasn’t totally convinced Crowley knew what soil pH was either. 

Regardless of the pH, standing in the garden was calming the angel down. Crowley was happy here, so Aziraphale was happy here too. He walked over to the large flat rock that Crowley liked to use in his snake form to bask in the sun. The rock was warm and smooth under his hand and Aziraphale sat down on it with a sigh. Crowley was a very handsome snake, and he always looked so relaxed curled up on his rock. When he had asked, trying to work on his communication skills, Crowley admitted that being in his snake form was very comfortable, and he could relax not having to coordinate all the extra limbs. Also, life was simpler as a small snake, not nearly as many thoughts and emotions to clutter up his head. 

Aziraphale ran his fingers over the rock and wondered. His first direct act of rebellion against the tyranny of Heavenly orders was to possess a human, like a demon. They really weren’t that different, and he and Crowley had proven to be compatible in so many ways, occult, ethereal, and corporal. So maybe it could be possible to . . . . if he just wiggled his hips right . . . after all, he had already embodied one of Crowley’s corporate forms . . . . 

**********

Crowley looked around and realized something was missing: the food. It had been a very natural division of labor that Crowley would handle the drinks and Aziraphale would provide the food. Since neither food nor angel were visible to company Crowley went over to check the kitchen. All the food was there, several trays of nibbles and finger food plated and ready to be brought out, but still no angel. The door leading out to the garden was open and he went out to see if Aziraphale had stepped out for some fresh air. 

He walked down the garden path and stopped short when he saw it. There, curled up on his sunning rock, was the most adorable albino corn snake in existence. He knew it was Aziraphale – corn snakes weren’t native in England, and this particular snake’s first saddle marking looked like a bow tie, and the rest looked like angel wings. Beyond that, he just knew. He had known when Aziraphale was possessing that nice human woman, and he would know his angel in any form. But he had to admit, this was a surprise. 

“Um, Aziraphale?” he said tentatively. The irony of this moment wasn’t lost to him – usually he was on the other side of this type of conversation. “Is everything – are you ok?”

The snake lifted his head to look at him and flicked his tongue out, tasting the air, very snakelike and for a second Crowley doubted himself. Then it nodded, understanding, and curled up even tighter, facing away from the demon.

Crowley sat down on the rock next to his angel turned corn snake. This was awkward. Adorable, but awkward. “Are you coming back to the party soon? People would like to eat.” No response. “The food looks good,” he added. 

Still no response. A sulky angel was one thing but Crowley had never been on the receiving end of a sulky, antisocial snake before. Not knowing what else to do he put his hand out for Aziraphale to taste with his tongue, and then stroked the soft scales. The little snake leaned into his hand, then started curling around his arm. Crowley was truly torn. On the one hand, he could definitely identify with wanting to turn into a snake to avoid company. Just knowing that Aziraphale could do this was opening up new possibilities in his mind regarding their relationship, the first being how nice it would be to bask in the sun together, snake to snake. But on the other hand there was a house full of people and he didn’t want to entertain by himself. Finally, he was a bit uneasy about this whole ‘lover turns into an adorable little snake’ thing. Was he this cute when he was in his small snake form? Demons weren’t supposed to be cute. Cute was a four letter word. Demons were supposed to be terrible and fearsome. But if he was this cute, that could be used as leverage to get things from Aziraphale. Demons were also supposed to be sneaky and manipulative, and it was always interesting to see how much one could get away with just for being cute. A true dilemma, being cute as a demon. 

“Aziraphale,” he said, bringing the snake up to eye level and taking off his glasses. “I need you with me to deal with those people. We can curl up on the rock together later if you like.”

The snake looked at him. “Please?” he added, raising his eyebrows.

That got a droopy, guilty look, and the snake started to move off his hand. Crowley put the snake back down on the rock, and with a slight shift of ethereal pressure Aziraphale was sitting there, his hair sticking up even more than usual. There was a moment of strained and awkward silence.

“Well that was a thing,” Crowley finally said.

“Yes, it was rather. I wasn’t quite sure I could do it but you’re right, it is quite comfortable being a snake.” Aziraphale said. “I think I should rather like to do it again sometime. With you, if you wouldn’t mind. We could enjoy a warm rock in the sun together.”

“How romantic,” Crowley said dryly, even as the I’m-a-demon-and-demons-aren’t-romantic part of his soul melted at the thought. “In the meantime we still have a houseful of humans to entertain.”

Aziraphale tensed up at the reminder and flexed his hands. “Yes. I’m so sorry, where are my manners? We should get back, they’ll be wanting some food and it would be a shame to waste all the canapes we got from that delightful store in town,” he rambled but didn’t get up. “And the tapas will get cold and –“

“Angel are you alright?” Crowley put one hand on Aziraphale’s arm to calm him. 

“Of course I am dear, I’m perfectly fine. In fact I –“ he stopped and took a deep breath. After all, they had both promised each other to be more direct about how they felt about their relationship. Who that was harder for was up for debate. He took another breath.

“They all know us,” he whispered, and looked down. “Not what we are, not all of them of course, but they all know – us. _Us_ us. This.” He waved his hand around vaguely at their new home. *Their* home. Plural. 

“Is that a problem?” Crowley asked carefully. “Would you rather they didn’t?”

“No,” Aziraphale said firmly, and looked directly at him. “No, we’re on our side now. Always. But after all that time of never letting anybody know,” he looked up, then down, “All those humans looking at us and knowing - well, it’s just a bit much.”

“Right. And that’s why you turned into a snake?”

Aziraphale shrugged. “You told me just yesterday how comfortable it was. That everything is simpler, as a snake. You were right, by the way.”

“Of course I was right. I’m the original Serpent of Eden, remember?”

“Yes but that was you being a big snake and I’m talking about being a small snake. Like you said, its simpler just being a small snake. It’s really quite nice, actually, and you are very cute as a small –“

“I am not _cute_!” the original Serpent of Eden hissed and took his hand off of the angels arm. “Cute is a four letter word! And I’m not-“

“Going to push me against a wall again and mess my bowtie?” Aziraphale looked back at him, his head slightly tilted and his eyebrows up with that insufferably smug look he got. The effect was ruined by the crinkle of laughter around his eyes.

This was no good. Crowley knew the angel was deliberately winding him up. Which was annoying, but better than him sitting by himself turning into a snake out of social anxiety. “I’m not going back in there without you,” he finished with a huff, and crossed his arms.

“Well then, shall we? Best not to keep our guests waiting.” Aziraphale stood, and held out his hand to Crowley.

The demon took his hand and stood up. For a moment they just stood there, hand in hand in their very own garden. “Right. Our guests,” he said.

“Our side,” the angel replied. “Our guests, our home.” He smiled and squeezed Crowley’s hand three times, one-two-three-I-Love-You. Crowley smiled back, tender and still a little shy, and squeezed back twice, one-two-You-Too. They walked back to the party, holding each others hands.

********

Later the next day, two small snakes curled up around each other on a warm sunny rock, an albino corn snake and a black and red king snake. If anybody were there to see them, it would have looked unbearably cute. But since nobody from heaven, hell, or earth was watching, that was just fine. Somewhere, anywhere, far away and always nearby, She looked at them and gave them both a tiny little divine boop on each nose.

**Author's Note:**

> Pictures of Albino Corn Snakes, they really are adorable.
> 
> https://www.gettyimages.com/photos/albino-corn-snake?sort=mostpopular&mediatype=photography&phrase=albino%20corn%20snake
> 
> This story has way more elements of my own married life than I really should admit to. I just wanted to try my hand at a South Downs story, and write something cute and heartwarming. Let me know in the comments how well I succeeded. And yes, soil pH is a thing. Sorry Aziraphale.


End file.
